Facing my fear.

We had gone to the Outer Banks about 8 years ago.  So when our friends called to invite us to go again, I knew what to expect.

I remembered the lighthouses and the wild horses. 

The beautiful, natural beaches and the dunes.

And the tunnel. 

The dreaded, underwater tunnel. 

I hyperventilated eight years ago while riding through this tunnel and now I was faced with taking my children through it.  Seriously, I considered not going just because of this tunnel. 

Running a close second to the tunnel....bridges!  Not just any bridges - long bridges that seemed as if they were sitting on top of the ocean with big hills in the middle of them. 

That seems to be a common thing when you choose to vacation on an island.  Seeing how it is an island.  You know, land surrounded by a body of water.  That kind of island.

So, what to do?  I knew we would never have an opportunity to stay for free at an oceanfront beach house anytime soon.  I knew that the boys, especially Joshua, had been hounding me to go to the beach for two years.  I knew that a vacation was something that we all needed. 

I knew that while I'm great at spouting off the perfect "church" answer to other peoples problems or quoting just the right bible verse for a situation, this situation would make me face the real deal.  My fears.  As unrealistic as they may be.

I'm afraid of tunnels, and bridges, and small spaces.  There, I said it.  And instead of "growing out of it" or getting better at dealing with my fears with age, I was actually getting worse. 

I packed my only, lonely Xanax that I had left over from an MRI on my shoulder two years ago.  I was ready to face the tunnel.

Then, it happened.

Have you ever been listening to the radio and had a song stuck in your head?  That's what happened to me, only I wasn't listening to the radio.  On the nine hour drive down, one thing kept popping into my head.

 "Fear not, for I am with you

do not be dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strenthen you, I will help you'

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

When the time came, I drove through the tunnel and over the bridges.  And while, in the interest of honesty, I did still take some deep breaths and white knuckle the steering wheel - I made it.  And I did it without pharmacological help.

I love that I serve a God who cares so much about me.

Irrational fears and all.